How to Use Your Confidence in Situations of Conflict

How to Use Your Confidence in Situations of Conflict

Raise your hand if you don’t like conflict.

Yep, me too!

“Lessons learned in electric moments are the ones best remembered.”

Recently I was reading Daniel Goleman’s book on Emotional Intelligence, the groundbreaking book that redefines intelligence and success.

What I found was that it’s ultimately about you.  Understanding yourself, how your react and how that impacts others.  It gives some great strategies on how to manage your emotions to create a more harmonious personal and work life.

One of the things he mentioned was the 3 keys things which create a dispute:

  1. Not communicating
  2. Making assumptions
  3. Jumping to conclusions

I don’t know about you but I am pretty sure that most of us have done those things at one point or another. Remember the result last time you did that! Eeek, I’m guessing it wasn’t so pretty.

He also went on to say that anger and anxiety were two of the top things in not being able to manage your emotional intelligence.

  • Anger which is usually a trait men revert to and increases their risk of heart attacks. Surprisingly the hostility after an outburst can linger for up to 2 hours.
  • In women it’s Anxiety. Women tend to let our worrying run amok and it affects our immune system.

Becoming emotionally literate is a tonic versus the toxic environment of Anger or Anxiety. Creating strategies give us hope for a better life.  Hope has a very healthy power for our overall wellbeing.

Here are some tips on how to deepen your self-awareness and build confidence in situations of conflict

The Mental Self

The mental aspect of yourself concerns your thoughts and your imagination. Like the physical and emotional feelings, thoughts also have to capacity to come upon you without your control, but it is far easier to consciously change your thoughts, especially when you practice being more aware of them in the first place. When people think, they often think in sentences or words, but just as often, they can think in images or words and phrases that act as a kind of shorthand. In these moments, it is quite easy for thoughts to get distorted and not accurately reflect a true situation.

Validity of Emotions

You might have heard it said that all emotions are valid, but what exactly does this mean? Does this mean that any time you feel an emotion you are perfectly justified in feeling an emotion? For example, if your child spills a glass of milk, does the validity of emotions mean you are correct in being angry with your child? Perhaps the notion of correct versus incorrect is the wrong approach. The validity of emotions means that in any situation, if you feel anger, regardless of the cause, it is valid to acknowledge to yourself that you do indeed feel anger. The validity of emotions means that denying an emotional state is a dangerous action that can have big consequences, often resulting in an emotional breakdown in the future if not addressed.


While mindfulness began as a Buddhist concept, it has since been developed as a practice in psychology that has helped numerous people deal with crippling anxiety, depression, drug addiction, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Being mindful is not simply living in the present but a way of concentrating on aspects of the present moment you normally take for granted. Buddhists use the term “monkey mind” to describe how our brains tend to barrage us with thoughts about the past, the present, and the future constantly.

Becoming mindful means to become both aware of the movement of your thoughts and emotions and to become detached from them. This detachment allows you to focus on your true self rather than seeing yourself as thoughts thinking or emotions feeling. Practicing mindfulness meditation is the first step towards becoming mindful throughout every moment of your life.

Learning new things (and practicing them) is one of the keys to happiness and success. Try these tips and see how you go net time where you find yourself in a situation where conflict arises.


Glenise Anderson

Glenise is the Director of SR Group and Self Confident Women. Her passion lies in increasing confidence and emotional intelligence levels of individuals and teams, creating higher productivity and happiness. She is a speaker, qualified Trainer, Advanced Consultant in Extended DISC, Coach & Mentor.


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